from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
