I want you more than these girls want KFC
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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