does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
