Im at strip club and am horny
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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