At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
