I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
