forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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