I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Randomize
