wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
