He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
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I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
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Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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