Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
