how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
