Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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