Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
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