He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
