just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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