the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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