Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
