I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
