Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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