I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
