I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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