Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
