And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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