I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
