I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
