Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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