That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
