fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
