Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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