Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
