So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
BRING THE BAGELS
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
