She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
