i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
