jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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