she looked like the before picture.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
