And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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