I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I forgot wine drunk hurts
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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