She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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