Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
