Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
