just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
