what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I could make wine with my vomit
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
