Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
