Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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