I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I have feelings that need drinking.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
