just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
