Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You pole danced in your parka.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
