I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
