Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He did a backflip because drugs
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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