Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
