so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
