so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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