do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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