they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
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