member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
