She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
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