all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
