I just threw up on my dentist
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
