my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
