guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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