You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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