Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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