I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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