i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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