I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
