Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
