Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
God, I missed his penis.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
