Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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