then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
