if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
